Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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