I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
