I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
