Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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