don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
