just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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