So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
