So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
