Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
