I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
there's paper in my vomit.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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