i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
My bed smells like the plague
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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