I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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