I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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