I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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