I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
