So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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