I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
