i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
