and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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