is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
