did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
