he wants to bone in the snuggie
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
