I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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