i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
