ugly people sure do ruin things
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
