I think i peed on brittanys purse
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
