"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
North Korea, Best Korea!
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
