dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
