omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
