I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
