i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
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is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
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Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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