Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
