used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
