I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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