i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
