You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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