I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
