She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
