you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
