Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
