I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
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I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
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You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
jump out the window naked night went bad
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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