Soap is not a condiment
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
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Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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