He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
