I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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