have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
