omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
