im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
