i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
