i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
there is glitter all over my balls
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
