So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Randomize
