What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
