Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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