I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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