you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
