she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize