I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
