I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
