Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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