I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
