JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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