So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
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He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
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I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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