If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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