if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
